hotel room ftw
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize