y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
