Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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