if you like me you must not know who I am
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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