You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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