Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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