she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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