to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
