forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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