I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
