Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
