hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
