shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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