I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
