ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
where does the pee come out of this thing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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