I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
