I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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