i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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