I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
