Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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