Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
