I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
