there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize