So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize