Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
