went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
