JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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