Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Randomize
