he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
