I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i have two assholes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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