Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
