PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
