Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
