I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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