Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
