So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
