she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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