I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
