Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
