his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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