She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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