I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
