my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
