I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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