btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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