why didn't you poke me back
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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