i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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