she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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