there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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