forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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