Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
