Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
