just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
