i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
