Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
