Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
