fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
