well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would ride that face into the sunset
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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