I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
