Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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