Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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