I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
