Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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