he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
